After continuously winning the lottery, I may or I will try for once more. Maybe soon. I became a refugee in my own country which is terrible but calming experience, but I sort of like the loneliness. Wouldn't you agree? You may dig all sorts of holes, some you can fill, others you won't.
There is a song narrating every experience and I convinced myself that the degrees of freedom aren't that flexible to allow for an increase of the entropy. They actually may as well be, but I do not want to bend them this way.
For the past seven years I was definitely the worst copy of myself. I regret it. Mainly because I missed each and every opportunity to be happy or give happiness. I knew that it was some artificial world, or sort of an added reality as was the one before that, and the one before that. All of them were sort of turtles all the way. Just like the blockchain, except that you are trapped in layers of past events, rumors and prejudice.
On the point of lying - I did lie a lot. I thought that since everybody was lying or placing bets on my actions and existence, this would be something adequate. I have a son now, they made a mockery of him too. Unfortunately the vast majority of people are also deliberately manipulating him. It is somewhat evil or sinister. I thought that nobody is that insane. But some people in my experiment are. Or the experiment I made of myself. Or precisely put - the experiment they made of me. If that is the essence of humanity, the hell with humanity.
That may explain my willingness to commit to the effort they expect me to.
The events in the beginning of the year tied to such an amazing knot. I almost lost my mind. It felt like temporal anomaly. It still does feel like deja vu or tiny wormholes or quantum reality. I was thinking about that a lot in the past years. The excellence and attention to detail in collecting the memories, reading my fictional diary and performing requires a true admiration. Congrats for the effort. I love you for the discreet trainings, care and advice.
I miss the earnest communication which I never got.
I also miss the erased history.
If you are changing yourself to become a better person, pick carefully.
Do not drink.
Punk's not dead.
TP is dead. /I do hope/.
